hurt and confused

November 7th. I quote myself as saying "mark this day on Nov. 7th". Have you ever had anyone kick you in your teeth so hard it knocked you into last week??? I have.

First things first, I have no idea what the hell I am gonna do with myself..I mean my life. Everything.
It's like that song..I just don't know what to do with myself.
Ok, this is totally for JoeD, you were right "pinching does lead to poking" and I knew it. However, my denial was the only thing keeping my sane. For those of you who did not get a glimpse of a previous blog I wrote and later deleted, it told a story of a naive woman in a relationship with her boyfriend.
After moving to a new house for his new job we settle in and meet the co-workers and neighbors and so on. A deep and serious friendship grows quick between my boyfriend and one of his co-workers, a female approx. 22/23 yrs. I saw it. It made me feel so insecure. I even brought it to his attention and he completely dismissed me and even went as far as fighting me tooth and nail to continue his "friendship" with this girl.

I think it was Tues of last week that I got to feel so incredibly special I thought I would die. He told me that he had something to tell me, and that he had fucked both our lives up. He was unfaithful to me and she is pregnant. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crying right now.
Saddly though, I was unprepared for this. I became so self-concious and insecure during that whole ordeal that I am so fucked up. I am feeling so low I have no idea what the hell to do. It was only an added bonus that he upgraded to a new, younger model. Any suggestions, I feel really fucked here.
I suppose it is worth mentioning that he has made the decision that he would prefer to step down from his position of father, lover, and all in all companion in our family unit. I get to look forward to being a 30 yrs. single mother with 2 kids.