I hate searching for jobs. It depresses the shit outa me. It's that whole "stick to it", "see it through thing". Fucks me up every time. Lets think positive, I am so excited for this summer. I have made a decision. I am going to do all the things I promised myself I was going to accomplish last summer but for the benefit of not pissing off others, I refrained from making myself happy. Oh, no. Not this year I say. I am all about me. Me Me and Me again. You know that saying "the future is now"? Well that one and the "life happens when your busy doing something else" those both describe the feeling I am having right now in my life. I'm thinking it's almost February, what the hell did I do with January. Shit I am almost 2 months into the "new year" and I have been dilly dicking around with my plans for the future all the while pissing it away at the same time. Ugh. Its good I caught it early I suppose. A few things I am trying to accomplish for my summer, 1. going white water rafting again (hey, I didn't fall out! I had a great time) Well, I guess thats it. Baby steps. I like to lower the bar so I can insure the feeling of accomplishment. lol

.Okay, it has been a while. I am I suppose the type of person that kind migrates away from public exposure when I am experiencing a shit storm in my life. Well, I have had some time to deal with the situation and weigh out the available options. And as they say, "this too shall pass". Well, sort of anyways!  The hardest part I have to say is the fact that I always considered myself to be well...A cold, hard bitch if you will. The type that was not mushy and lovey (remember that whole work place hug thing?) and really could care less about most things. I was sure that accurately described me, or was me until all that shit happened. It was a real mind bender to realize how fucked up I became over it and what a dramatic effect it had on me and my current situation with life. To make matters worse I tried to be all barney-bad-ass about it and keep it to myself and deal with it alone, privately, like hard, strong people do. This approach only made me a freaking basket case. Then, in what I like to refer to as a moment of weakness, I broke down at work and later spilled it all here to you guys. Feeling better momentarily was good but ultimately the embarrassment of the whole thing pretty much sucked. That momentary lapse in judgment definitely makes my top 5. Therefore, that’s where I am at now. It is what it is and fuck, well thats it. It's fucked up, but it's almost like history now. What an ending to 2006. Watching your life happen in such gasping unreality is tripped way out. First confession of 2007: it makes me smile to think that I have an entire year ahead of me to improve all that needs improving.

I didn't make a resolution this year. Why? exactly. I have made a few new friends and sadly have become distant from some of my previous best ones. Nevertheless, life is strange and beautiful that way, nothing stays the same. Change for me is the most scary and awesome feeling. It is harder for me to accept change when it is tossed in my lap with out question or concern. Oh, what the year will hold.

good song: "come pick me up". Well, its either a Ryan Adams song or perhaps a Whiskey Town song before he was a druggie solo artist. (no offense to the druggies, at this point...I would if I could). An awesome version is a Counting Crowes cover that just covers all your sadness in like 3 bars of lyrics. Alcohol has always been a good friend of mine, but man we have totally bonded through all this "Springer" drama I have swirling around me. Its bullshit I say....My new favorite phrase since all this life altering madness has approached my door step...."Bow out gracefully." Perhaps I may not take much with me but I guess my dignity and self respect will be sufficient. I have indeed stopped crying. however, my concentration is shot all to hell. I have no focus. And everything that happens in this life of mine seems to somehow fall in to some Freudian version of what is happening to me, in my life at this particular turn. O.k, so I am in Philosophy class that may explain a lot.

November 7th. I quote myself as saying "mark this day on Nov. 7th". Have you ever had anyone kick you in your teeth so hard it knocked you into last week??? I have.

First things first, I have no idea what the hell I am gonna do with myself..I mean my life. Everything.
It's like that song..I just don't know what to do with myself.
Ok, this is totally for JoeD, you were right "pinching does lead to poking" and I knew it. However, my denial was the only thing keeping my sane. For those of you who did not get a glimpse of a previous blog I wrote and later deleted, it told a story of a naive woman in a relationship with her boyfriend.
After moving to a new house for his new job we settle in and meet the co-workers and neighbors and so on. A deep and serious friendship grows quick between my boyfriend and one of his co-workers, a female approx. 22/23 yrs. I saw it. It made me feel so insecure. I even brought it to his attention and he completely dismissed me and even went as far as fighting me tooth and nail to continue his "friendship" with this girl.

I think it was Tues of last week that I got to feel so incredibly special I thought I would die. He told me that he had something to tell me, and that he had fucked both our lives up. He was unfaithful to me and she is pregnant. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crying right now.
Saddly though, I was unprepared for this. I became so self-concious and insecure during that whole ordeal that I am so fucked up. I am feeling so low I have no idea what the hell to do. It was only an added bonus that he upgraded to a new, younger model. Any suggestions, I feel really fucked here.
I suppose it is worth mentioning that he has made the decision that he would prefer to step down from his position of father, lover, and all in all companion in our family unit. I get to look forward to being a 30 yrs. single mother with 2 kids.

I took that "Civil Service" test to be a correctional officer. 3 Hours. On halloween no less and I had to drive 3 hours to take it. I almost missed tricker treating. It was multiple choice and it seemed like there was always 2 really good answers for every question. Most of the re-enactments seemed to either be hard nosed write you up answers or all buddy, buddy friends with the inmates answers. Won't know how I did for 4-6 weeks. Oh the suspense.

I failed math. Knew that was coming. I got an F. FUCK! O.k. what now??? Philosophy, sure..what the hell. I am buzzed as hell right now. I live in a little town, therefore, I love taco bell! Those bastards!!!!! I got no sauce, I gets no love, what the hell? One taco to go. ....."why not just tape it to my ass, cause thats where its gonna go!" I left work as quick as I could with no regard as to whether the Tiger's were winning or not. Damn you bitches!!, you must have choked. I totally called it. Infact, everyone working this evening was hoping they would lose. Not because we are two faced traders, but because we all believe in that 'what ever I wish for never happens' type thing...
twenty, twenty twenty-four hours to go------------ I wanna be sedated! Wait.... to go? ago??? Whatever, you guys get it..

Things are good. Math is bad. Pretty sure I am going to fail...No, seriously!
Halloween Party this weekend in Detroit. It was supposed to be an event, but taking into consideration the turn out for my birthday party this year we decided to make it a quit, tight little gathering and rock out some seriously wild bars. I swear picking my costume gets harder every year. I totally choked this year and decided to be a "punk rocker". I had to dress up for work and had like no costume yet, but ended up throwing one together in like 10 min right before work today. When I got to work my manager said I looked like a Bratz  Doll.  Yeah,  thats it, I'm a Bratz Doll. Easy, comfortable and cheap!
I wonder why people suck. I call people that I was close with when I lived down in Detroit, but they never return my calls. I called a friend of mine twice a week for two weeks strait. Nothing. If I can't even get a return call I should probably scratch the meeting up, hanging out and catching up on old times thing Right?

Is the cabin fever setting in already??? So, the Tigers have earned themselves a trip to the World Series. KickAss and good luck of course. Everyone says this is as far as they go. I don't care either way, I have made great money off them so far. Which explains why I have been at work day and night.
Friday the 13th was my daughters 8th birthday..How cool to have a birthday on friday the 13th. Off topic.....Getting this shitty degree is taking for fucking ever I swear. It gets so discouraging. I found out I can take an exam to be a correctional officer, and if I pass I am put on a list to work at a prison. Yeh! I can hardly believe that all of this bullshit hassle has been so I can spend my days and nights in prison. That shit scares the bageebees outa me. Really, when the shit pops off I wanna be so far from the inside of that prison! I take the exam on halloween. wish me luck.....I guess.

Dude, spanish....grrrr.

Anyhow..It has come to my attention that I have overlooked a very good movie. Over the weekend I stumbled upon the movie Donnie Darko. Now, what makes this interesting (besides its crazy story line) is that I have heard of this movie many times. I actually was just engaged in conversation with a guy from work who could not tell me enough great and wonderful things about this film. Now, when I first stumbled upon it I realized it was not that old, like 2001 or something like that, more recent than what I had thought anyway.
This was a totally tripped out movie. It was an interesting story and it held my attention (if only to find out if the old lady would ever get anything in the mail). I was buzzed up real good when I watched it, which intensified the feeling that the demonic bunny was speaking directly to me. However I did feel I missed a few parts. Why did frank (the bunny right??) have a messed up eye, but the kid in the end didn't? What was the significance of the drawings of the bunny at the end of the movie? All in all it was a good film. Maybe I should try watching it sober.

I know why it is so quiet, naughtywife is not posting anymore. I was even pretty impressed when scorned exhubby showed up trying to implicate. That was a friday episode of some drama if I ever read one.   I miss reading her blogs. I was never really sure if they were entirely true or just there to get everyone a little randy, but I sure looked forward to her next scandalous escapade. Say what you will but infidelity is a hot topic and that girl was on fire.

Interesting things that have recently entered my life. 1. The Glen Beck show. It amazes me how many people thing he is a raging asshole. I love him! The first thing that drew my attention to him was how he managed to dumb-down the current world affairs enough to hold my interest. Snaps to you my friend*** 2. Moving on from Starbucks and making a conscience effort to give the little guy an upper hand in the coffee world. added bonus for doing so..cheaper prices!! and a sense of accomplishment. 3. My official new rule as of about 3 weeks ago; no talk of jobs and or careers while getting lit at the bar. When you're not happy with your station in life this can be quite the buzz kill! Hmmmmm, stuck at 3. Threes good for now. 3's the magic number.

So glad to see I am not alone in the anti-hug dept. Let me fill you in on one of the key componants to this specific personal space offender...he is gay. Not just gay, but what I (and many others) refer to as a "flamer" or "queenie". meaning he's the type who takes that extra step to wiggle the hips and give the sister snaps after every sarcastic, feminine statement he cracks.
 Disclaimer::: I am not anti-gay! my best friend is gay and thats who broke it down to me and schooled me in the gay lingo. Now, by no means do I dislike this individual. He is cool. I just can't get with the over the top excitement that I have arrived at work or that I should be preparing to share a moment in a physical embrace.

I have come to a few conclusions. One, I think I am depressed. I noticed that I have not been online hardly at all anymore. When I think of getting online, I think of job searches, which makes me think of where I work and how disappointing it is. sigh

Second, when I started this job I was my usual friendly self, chatty, happy etc. I believe because I was new I made an extra effort to return friendly gestures. ie hugs. I am not much of a hugger. No, nope... can't say that when I show up at work and you see me walk in the door and you approach me for a hug does not make me cringe and turn the other way. I am just not that way. Especially when it is not like a super special exception, like seeing someone you have not seen in atleast 10+ years. Not someone I just saw less than 13 hours ago. In an enviroment I hate to be. Seriously though, not much of a hugger.

What a neat job it must be to be a public figure. I was working last night and this 20 top comes in half hour before close. Well, seeings how I totally had my eye on the prize (leaving) I was relieved not to have had to take it. So after we close a few of us are sitting in the bar enjoying our afterwork coldones. As we are watching the big screens we notice the 20 top is giving much attention to the news. Then we realize the guy on the t.v. is the same one sitting at the table, and he is running for governer. (R)

After the news they all leave but the a few straggle behind. One of which being the man of the hour. Now, we are all looking like some grease bums at this point. Yet, he still comes over and makes a few jokes and shakes some hands. As soon as he leaves it is silence.
My first thought was wow, evey vote must count because that seemed totally pointless. Then I was blown away by the fact that he gets to befriend random people everywhere he goes. In fact its not like he gets to, he has to. Talking and bullshitting are his main focus. What a career.

Okay. so long story short, after I moved I was broke as hell. Was not working for awhile..had to cut back on somethings ie. cable..(sob, sob). But alas I am back online yay!
I have missed being on here, but in the same respect I wanted to wait and catch up when I could do it officially from the comfort and privacy of my own computer. **Not all half assed using other peoples computers and what not.** In doing so however, it has made the anticipation of returning much more gratifying. sp??

Not to mention....dum, dum, dum,.... the blog of Naughtywife's ex-husband??? Crazy!!
what have you guys been up to round here.

As you know, I am moving. Again. My daughter and I have been packing and looking for houses. We are off to look at houses. We stop and grab some timmy ho and off we go. Now I am officially in a good mood, I have my coffee, the sun is shining and we are so-to-speak on a road trip. I decide to play some oldie but goodies on the way to match my hyper-happy can't hold me down attitude. I throw in the Beastie Boys, the old classic License to ill. Now, because of lameass mix tapes I know she is familiar with brass monkey. But, I am going to take this time to expose her to a few tracks I enjoy. I start with my fav No sleep, she is unthrilled. Then it hits me...Fight for your right. Ya, she's gotta be able to relate to some of that. It begins and her interest is peaked as soon as they talk about school. It was so cool. I was telling her how this band was really hot when I was in the fourth grade. I couldn't believe she was actually jamming to the beastie boys, I mean I'm thinking to myself what a bridge for the generation gap. So all is going well until we hit the verse about the porno mag. Then we kinda hit the breaks. I can see the wheels spinning in her head. I truthfully have no idea if she knew what they were talking about. Luckily, I escaped with a near miss. She didn't ask and I didn't offer.

What currently sucks the worst in my life now is school. Not school itself but the fucked up situation it has put me in. Let me explain. I decided a while back to go online at UoP. I meet with the enrollment counselor and she explains to me that it is less time comsuming to attend a campus. I lived in the Detroit area at the time where there are about 3 campus in that area. When you attend the campus you are only required to go one night a week. You have other bullshit, like "learning teams" that you are supposed to meet with (but no one ever does)other than that, it's majorily that one night. Oh, and the learning teams are mandatory in every class and if you fail to function as a team you all fail the class. Individual work is 50 and group work is 50, so you have no choice. Now, when I moved to Flint I opted to still make the drive. It is an hour drive and the class is from 6 to 10 p.m. The drive is longer in the winter obviously but still kind of a pain in my ass in general. Now, we are moving again. Approx. an hour from where we are now. That makes the campus 2 hours away. I believe the only campus' in mich are in the metro area.

I heard from a lot of people that the online classes, in short are..."really high maintence". High Maintence is really not my thing. I guess you have to be on at certain times and a certain amount of hours, blah, blah. I have however become much more active on my computer from when I initially enrolled. Has anyone taken online courses???maybe even from UoP?? If so, what is your take. Should I swithch it up, or just bite the bullet and the gas prices and drive the 2 hours to class once a week?????

So busy. So busy. Well, we were all sick like two weeks ago and it just escalated from there. After we recooperated and regained our strenth it was on to yet another exausting mission. We are moving again. Did I not just get here??!! It could be Midland or Bay City even. We are in a race against time to try and be out by the first. (Sure!) Well, I am busting my ass packing and driving around aimlessly in foreign towns. Benefit: I have a stellar sense of direction. Oh yeah, and I love to peek in peoples windows and snoop around the outside of strange houses. So far the dog situation in regards to rentals is going over like a wet balloon, but onward and upward right?

Funniest thing that happened to me on my birthday...I found out my uncle was gay. I was wasted and ran into one of my estranged cousins and we got to rappin and thats how it happened. More on this later, ......gots to go.

My house is a petrie dish of flu at the moment. Yuk! It all started last tues. My boyfriend was feeling achy and fatigued. I was steering clear of him from that point on. Thursday his symptoms were so bad I opted to sleep in my daughters room. (far away from the sickness). I wake up to him getting violently ill early friday morning. I ask if he still plans to go to work, he says yes. One of my downfalls: I say what I'm thinking before I have a chance to think it through. I just blurt out "I hate people like you, going to work and spreading your sickness to everyone there just so they can give it back to you in a few weeks." Oh, did I mention I am sort of a germ phobe and can't stand to be around sick people. I try to reason with him that it's kinda fucked up to interact with everyone while on your death bed. Coughing, sneezing, vomitting, chills and sweats. Spreading your sickness all around. With complete disregard for my advice he goes to work and they send him home. Hate to say it but....yes, yes I did!!!!!...He is so bad by friday evening we go to the hospital. (I am completely dreading this visit to the haven of sicknesses) He tries to ride it out but it worsens yet again and on sunday we are back to the hospital. The summer flu sucks. I have had to take care of him cause it's so bad he's bed ridden. I am so not cut out for the medical field. No way!!

It is really hard to put this question in to words. I don't want to end up sounding like a uninformed asshole.

Should you be held legally responsible for lack of morals?

This is my personal example that I use in my classes all the time. Think what you will...I was a server. I performed a service. I am a middle man so to speak, carrying drink from point a (bar)to point b(patron). If the patron requests another after another after another, than o.k. I'll give it to them. He leaves, of his own free will. He gets in an accident. I am responsible. Legally. Because I should have determined when too much was too much, and stopped being the middle man. Why, because I don't know this person from adam? Why should I care? Really, why should the law punish me for not, and force me to...give a fuck?